As of late, I’ve gone through a lot of changes — a break up, new relationship, an internship turned long term at a marketing agency, moving into a loft with a friend, and getting my first apartment at school, just to name a few. Of course, this all comes with a lot of decision making. I am not one who likes to disappoint people so a lot of this has come with anxious feelings on my end. Moving into a loft meant not living at home with my family for the summer. A break-up obviously meant I was going to hurt someone I cared about and believe me when I say that being in a new relationship less than a year later doesn’t look great on paper. Every decision I have made in the past few months has been followed with the question, “What will everyone think?” As if the path I create should be wholly formed by other people’s opinions. But the thought of people judging me or thinking I wasn’t doing what was best really wore on me.
Growing up and trying to figure out who I am as an adult has been one of the most exciting and confusing times of my life. Be a 20-something is weird in and of itself because you’re old enough to be an adult but young enough to still be the “kid making stupid, reckless mistakes.” The “grown-ups” want you to act your age but don’t take you seriously when you do. You’re trying to prove yourself to yourself and the world around you. And it’s just all together one of the most bewildering times as a young adult. Add in a bunch of big decisions and you can call it complete pandemonium.
It’s taken a lot of time and learning (and many, many baby steps) for me to figure out that what’s right for me comes solely from what I think and feel. It may not always be the “best” decision at the time, but it’s the one I think is right. The beautiful thing about that is if I mess up, it’s yet another learning experience. While I appreciate the guidance from those closest to me, I know that I can choose for myself too. Sure, I’m going to upset some people, maybe make them question what I’m doing, and get the disapproval from those who think I should’ve done otherwise. But I’ll move forward, learn from my mistakes and be genuinely happy because I’m doing things that *I* think are best for me.
Enter the part where I tell you that living with my best friend has been a great summer experience, living on my own has made me open my eyes to the reality of adulthood, and I’m quite happy in this new relationship. Oh, and accepting a summer internship position with the company I started with in January has been pretty awesome and so full of opportunities and experiences. You win some, you lose some. Right now, I think my wins are greater than losses. The rest I’ll figure out on another day. I’m just trying to be a 20-something living a pretty great life.