yearning

tonight my old roommate messaged me. she said she had been watching old dance team videos and missed it. and my heart broke. i could feel the literal pieces of my heart shattering. because it was then that i realized how much i had been longing for my previous college years.

we reminisced on our old suite, which was truly incredible. and on our dance team, which was also full of amazing girls. and i truly hurt because i have been missing these people and these memories so much.

this year, i’m more sentimental than ever as i finish up my last semester on campus. every last feels painful in some way and stops me in my tracks as i realize that it is in fact a last.

but i realized that it’s ok to be missing my past college years. i had been suppressing the feeling for so long and tonight i told myself that it was ok to hurt and yearn and miss people and memories.

i ache for the days when dance team had 6 am practice before state and being so grumpy we wouldn’t speak to each other for the first 30 minutes of practice. i miss my suitemates and hate living by myself. i miss buying movie theater popcorn with them just because and cheesy hallmark movies on the weekends. i would give anything to go back to the warm afternoons when my best friends and i would walk around storm lake having photo shoots just because we could. i yearn for the days that made me feel like i was on top of the world. my friends, my teammates, my suitemates. the most incredible people i have ever met.

and it’s ok to miss the memories. because i have something so perfect to miss.

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